Of Separation Anxiety

Herrum. It has been done. You know, sometimes I wonder. What does it really mean to serve our Heavenly Father? To be separate for Him? Because, I naturally love helping people. Lately I've been trying to start up community outreach type things for my church to be involved in. I also want to go to Mexico to help orphans as I can. I have my little list of important things that fits nicely under God's work. But what about his other commands? Like how we should act on the day to day? What if we wants to reach out to the annoying kid at church no one talks to instead of orphans? Am I as committed to my daily devotions as I am to community outreach? Am I committed not to laugh at my co-workers sick jokes? Am I committed to not go to that movie, that party, that concert? What about spreading the Gospel? I often say and feel like I'd be happy to just serve, just to build houses, to just do "mercy ministries". But shouldn't I be just as eager, if not more, to proclaim the actual Gospel to the ends of the earth? YES! I should. But alas, I have my little list of important things that I want to pursue, I put them in my little ordering scheme and pursue them in selfish ways.
But not all is lost. In Sunday School, we have been studying music in the Christian's life as of late and it was many things I did not want to hear. And I knew them, and they pricked my conscience. I felt like I had suppressed that little part of my life, allowing myself just a little bit of world for my own pleasure. Bollocks, mate! I wasn't willing to give them up, they weren't very high on my priority list. We have to willing to give up everything for God, how can he use us if one foots in the world all the time? Were they even on my priority list? Probably not, which is why I hate how I organize God's commands, pick and choose, sift through them a little, and come up with a few big or small things for my agenda. Oh, to be able to pursue all holiness in perfect balance! But it cannot be so, so I've tried to mortify the sins as I see them, and try to work on being able to see them for starters (Lord, I could use- like, all of your Spirit here).
Anyway, I'm preaching to myself and needed to vent a little, since I just went through my entire library and deleted all songs that brought even a hint of a thought of worldly things to me. It was like cutting out a piece of myself, but I know the hole will be replaced with what was supposed to be there in the first place.