I originally wrote this to reply to a blog on the subject of Dating/Courting. I have read all three of Josh Harris’s books and all are very good in different respects. But I must commend to you Sex is not the Problem Lust Is of all. I also have been in two completely different relationships, both immense learning experiences.
Words, Dating vs. Courting. Words don’t matter when it comes to a relationship between two Christians. Call it courting, call it dating, heck, call it twitterpegaleggin’. What matters most is that we do all things for the glory of God. In the end of the day that’s all that matters. Read the Harris books for a good look at what God wants for us in relationships.
Culture, Since Moses did it should we? We have practical instructions, like don’t commit adultery, don’t steal, and worship no other gods (including people!). I believe it doesn’t matter what culture we follow, using the concepts of Scripture we can determine what is and what is not acceptable to God’s character/law. How the patriarchs conducted business in their culture was in concordance to God’s instruction for them. This meant abiding by the Mosaic Law for a long period of time. Today we still follow the same God and the same Law. So again, it’s about concepts, which makes neither dating nor arranged marriages necessarily wrong. I’m pretty sure the only restriction the Word puts on marriage is that a Christian can marry whomever he wishes, they just have to be Christian too. However, biblically we should make a wise decision in spouse choosing and make sure the follow the character of the Proverbs 31 woman, and we also know that marriage is no light decision, it’s intended to last for life.
Twitterpegaleggin’, Christians and Dating. The problem with Christians today and courting/dating is that they do not have the right mind set about it. Joshua Harris in Sex is not the Problem (Lust is) provides an sadly insightful analogy: it is like we are trying to see how many poison pills we can take a day and notice the rotting effect it’s having on bodies. Be honest, Christian, we do. We see how much of the world we can be like and still place ourselves, self-righteously, under the title “Christian”. “If your hand causes you to sin cut if off!” we are called to be radical! Think how radically different God is from us, and we are called to be like him. We fail so much the non-christian has every right to say, “I am not so much different.” This is not how it should be.
Romantics, Are feelings the roots of a relationship, or the fruits? First we need to define romantic. Dictionary.com says:
Origins, did Christians make up courting to combat dating? I think courtship came first, not dating. Everything we have now started as something good but is now pursued and carried out in a sinful way. The act of “Courting”, I am most certain, came before the act of dating. This would not be hard to believe since I think we all agree that dating is much less godly way to go about relationships. The world took what God gave them, and made it their own by dowsing it in sin. I can’t prove that courting came first, I just think it did.
Expectations, the difference in most cases of Dating vs. Courting. I now believe that the only expectation that should be put on a couple, when they start “twitterpegalegin” (courting) is that the man is now expected to direct the friendship in such a way that he steers it toward answering the question, “Does God mean us to marry one another?” This is a very involved and articulate process, read Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris for a really good exposition on how to go about this process.
Arrangements, marriage today. I think culture does play a huge role as to how acceptable divorce is. However, the Fiddler on the Roof is an excellent example of how love really is an ability, and it really is, at it’s very core, sacrifice. Once you can do this for someone/anyone, you are capable of really, truly loving that person, be it brother, fish, or spouse. When a couple become one through marriage, they both sacrifice much of there freedom, will, time, habits, etc. and must love that other person to do so.
“We should date as few times as possible.” Why? I don’t like this idea. It implies that if you don’t get married the first time you date, something went wrong. If the point of dating/courting/twitterpegaleggin’ is to find out if your supposed to marry the other person, and as Christians I think we all agree that that is the purpose, if the result is “No.” it can be very fulfilling AND successful. And on the same note, someone can come to conclusion “Yes.” for all the wrong reasons and whole process becomes a failure. God is a god of perfection and order. There is a perfect, orderly way to go about dating that can result in nothing but happiness and God-glorification. Of course this is the ideal situation. The real is the hard part, the part we are privileged to experience.
There is much, much more to the full story. Please criticize. In closing, here are a few things I beliebe time has taught me.
Marry your best friend. – Janet Ash, my computer science teacher at community college
Real love still exists when you strip away all the emotions and feelings of it. – Christ’s example
Love (sacrifice for) the Lord your God first (put him before your “lover”), then love (sacrifice for) your neighbor (put their betterment before all your desires). – Truth
Imho, Daniel.
Words, Dating vs. Courting. Words don’t matter when it comes to a relationship between two Christians. Call it courting, call it dating, heck, call it twitterpegaleggin’. What matters most is that we do all things for the glory of God. In the end of the day that’s all that matters. Read the Harris books for a good look at what God wants for us in relationships.
Culture, Since Moses did it should we? We have practical instructions, like don’t commit adultery, don’t steal, and worship no other gods (including people!). I believe it doesn’t matter what culture we follow, using the concepts of Scripture we can determine what is and what is not acceptable to God’s character/law. How the patriarchs conducted business in their culture was in concordance to God’s instruction for them. This meant abiding by the Mosaic Law for a long period of time. Today we still follow the same God and the same Law. So again, it’s about concepts, which makes neither dating nor arranged marriages necessarily wrong. I’m pretty sure the only restriction the Word puts on marriage is that a Christian can marry whomever he wishes, they just have to be Christian too. However, biblically we should make a wise decision in spouse choosing and make sure the follow the character of the Proverbs 31 woman, and we also know that marriage is no light decision, it’s intended to last for life.
Twitterpegaleggin’, Christians and Dating. The problem with Christians today and courting/dating is that they do not have the right mind set about it. Joshua Harris in Sex is not the Problem (Lust is) provides an sadly insightful analogy: it is like we are trying to see how many poison pills we can take a day and notice the rotting effect it’s having on bodies. Be honest, Christian, we do. We see how much of the world we can be like and still place ourselves, self-righteously, under the title “Christian”. “If your hand causes you to sin cut if off!” we are called to be radical! Think how radically different God is from us, and we are called to be like him. We fail so much the non-christian has every right to say, “I am not so much different.” This is not how it should be.
Romantics, Are feelings the roots of a relationship, or the fruits? First we need to define romantic. Dictionary.com says:
a. of, pertaining to, or of the nature of romance; characteristic or suggestive of the world of romance: a romantic adventureNow I consider myself one of the most romantic people I know, and I think anyone who knows me would agree. But based on this definition, romance seems like it could mislead someone into feeling things which may not exist. And some of us already know I don’t really believe in feelings, they tamper with reason, they fluctuate constantly, they are practically the definition of bias, and they are not a good source for good decision making. This also poses the question what is love? Well, “We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.” -1 John 3:16. And read 1 Cor. 13 (my favorite passage). Love is not a feeling, it is an ability that must be learned and refined, it does not come naturally to a person. So romance? I don’t think it’s necessary in a relationship at all, it’s a gift that comes with it. And it is absolutely not required in order to truly love someone. It is one of the most wonderful things, but its existence before marriage must be carefully watched as to not get out of hand, otherwise it could lead to disaster.
b. fanciful; impractical; unrealistic: romantic ideas
c. imbued with or dominated by idealism, a desire for adventure, chivalry, etc
d. characterized by a preoccupation with love or by the idealizing of love or one's beloved
Origins, did Christians make up courting to combat dating? I think courtship came first, not dating. Everything we have now started as something good but is now pursued and carried out in a sinful way. The act of “Courting”, I am most certain, came before the act of dating. This would not be hard to believe since I think we all agree that dating is much less godly way to go about relationships. The world took what God gave them, and made it their own by dowsing it in sin. I can’t prove that courting came first, I just think it did.
Expectations, the difference in most cases of Dating vs. Courting. I now believe that the only expectation that should be put on a couple, when they start “twitterpegalegin” (courting) is that the man is now expected to direct the friendship in such a way that he steers it toward answering the question, “Does God mean us to marry one another?” This is a very involved and articulate process, read Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris for a really good exposition on how to go about this process.
Arrangements, marriage today. I think culture does play a huge role as to how acceptable divorce is. However, the Fiddler on the Roof is an excellent example of how love really is an ability, and it really is, at it’s very core, sacrifice. Once you can do this for someone/anyone, you are capable of really, truly loving that person, be it brother, fish, or spouse. When a couple become one through marriage, they both sacrifice much of there freedom, will, time, habits, etc. and must love that other person to do so.
“We should date as few times as possible.” Why? I don’t like this idea. It implies that if you don’t get married the first time you date, something went wrong. If the point of dating/courting/twitterpegaleggin’ is to find out if your supposed to marry the other person, and as Christians I think we all agree that that is the purpose, if the result is “No.” it can be very fulfilling AND successful. And on the same note, someone can come to conclusion “Yes.” for all the wrong reasons and whole process becomes a failure. God is a god of perfection and order. There is a perfect, orderly way to go about dating that can result in nothing but happiness and God-glorification. Of course this is the ideal situation. The real is the hard part, the part we are privileged to experience.
There is much, much more to the full story. Please criticize. In closing, here are a few things I beliebe time has taught me.
Marry your best friend. – Janet Ash, my computer science teacher at community college
Real love still exists when you strip away all the emotions and feelings of it. – Christ’s example
Love (sacrifice for) the Lord your God first (put him before your “lover”), then love (sacrifice for) your neighbor (put their betterment before all your desires). – Truth
Imho, Daniel.
